You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
