i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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