Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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