The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
our cab driver is having phone sex.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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