I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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