Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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