census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
