He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
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