Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
