If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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