I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
even my farts smell like vagina
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
