how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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