The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
