she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
