Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
