Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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