I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Shame is for Republicans.
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