Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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