Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
