What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
handjob tips. give me some.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
