I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Dear god my vagina.
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