and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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