btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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