Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
