I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
