I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
