Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
