How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
