i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
