I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
