Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
