You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
you never un-have a 4some
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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