Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Randomize
