Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
