Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
