Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(201): View more from New Jersey

what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?

(1-201): View more from New Jersey

dying kittens.

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(512): View more from Texas

we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us

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(847): View more from Illinois

my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.

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(423): View more from Tennessee

You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it

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(501): View more from Arkansas

Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho

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