"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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