You're completely useless in the revolution.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
