____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
