Where did you get a picture of my penis
I will die if light touches me.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
