she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
