the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
