The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
