You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
