Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
