My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I'm having to shit out rocks
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
