Kiss
Puke
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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