Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
My bed smells like the plague
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
