holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
