I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
