Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
