break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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