even my farts smell like vagina
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
