I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
they're like a gay fantastic four
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
