she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
