btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
