yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
