just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Randomize
