She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
