Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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