Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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