then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
