I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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