So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
