just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
