Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
