There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
