I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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