peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
