FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
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