Non-Jews are for practice
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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