Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
