He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I currently don't understand fingers.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
