I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
My vagina just recognized that song.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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