lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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