I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
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