Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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