Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
