The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
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