Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
