to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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